2020 Rolls Royce Cullinan Review and Video

2020 Rolls Royce Cullinan Black Badge

Price as tested: $503,000 (!)

Specs:

6.75 Liter Twin Turbo V12

592 HP - 664 ft/lbs

MPG: Who cares?

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Guy who did stuff: Yousef Alvi

I’m going to sound like the most spoiled person on the planet right now but hear me out.  The last 3 vehicles I reviewed before this were the McLaren 720s Spyder, GLE63 S and a Honda Civic Si.  In varying degrees…those vehicles are designed to deliver an adrenaline shot directly into your heart.  Your synapses are on fire, your eyes dilate and you’re affixed to the driving experience.  This 2020 Rolls Royce Cullinan, on the other hand, is like taking a shot of lorezapam directly into the heart.  It is the most calming, sedate and surreal experience you will uhhh ever experience.

Stepping inside the Cullinan your fears, anxiety and temper melt away into the lush leather seats. The Cullinan is not a vehicle…it’s a device that alleviates you.  That’s what a Rolls Royce is designed for…not as a mere transportation vessel but as a device designed to enlighten your soul, refresh your senses and awake your spirit.  

The Cullinan does that and more. In a world filled with ‘one ups’. There is no ‘one-upping’ the Cullinan. To quote one of the best baddies in cinematic history Hans Gruber:  ‘’And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.’’  Why the weeping?  This is the best.  This is the most expensive, luxurious and opulent SUV on the planet today.  Our tester clocking at an astronomical $503,000! Let me type that again…half a million dollars! The Cullinan laughs at the face of GWagens, Range Rovers and the lot.  Not even the Bentley Bentayga or the Lamborghini Urus comes close to the Cullinan’s price tag.  

You are on the literal top.  So how is the view from up view?  

“Exceptional”

Stepping inside the Cullinan is like stepping inside an alternate universe whose air is filled with benzodiazepines.  It’s grand.  It’s majestic.  It’s nothing like anything on the road today.  Yes there are luxurious cars on the road but then there is Rolls Royce luxurious. There is no comparison. There is no ‘well this comes close’. From the starry headliner, to the lamb wool carpeting and finally to the best feeling switchgear I have ever used (it feels like it is milled out of unobtanium mixed with adamantium)…the Cullinan is it’s own microcosm. A universe in and of itself. 

Now, a Rolls Royce is a vehicle for you to be driven IN. But if you happen to be behind the wheel of one…it’s nothing short of exceptional. Nothing comes close to the ride quality, comfort and isolation this Cullinan delivers. The Cullinan is your shield against the hostile world…nothing seems to penetrate through. No road, wind, tire noise…no potholes, expansion joints, or boulders. Nothing is allowed to ruin the ride. You are insulated, isolated and at utter peace behind the wheel.

Powering that unyielding ride quality…is the cornerstone of Rolls Royce engineering…the 6 3/4 Liter Twin Turbo V12. Silken is not the right word. Velvety doesn’t work either. Electric just seems wrong and a bit pedestrian. To lean into the ‘Britishness’…the damn thing feels like it is powered by Ghee. Bar None. The smoothest engine I have ever driven…there is no shudder, vibration, or racket. That engine just delivers power in waves….the Cullinan just wafts from point A to point Z. Everything in the middle is a blur.

 So how do I end this? I’m not quite sure. I’m still rather in shock to be quite honest with you. Maybe I’ll end this by saying….’I finally understand’. I understand that extravagant price tag, the allure and the experience a vehicle like this delivers. It’s worth every single damn penny.